1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then
bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising
me every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives
me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the
priority. I am psychic.

5. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.

6. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.

7. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations.

9. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to
know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about
having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for
being such a good manager.

10. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.