It’s official, John Lydon quit jungle life at 12:30 local time (2:30 UK.)
As of yet ITV are refusing to confirm the reason why and speculation is
rife.

Jordan’s boyfriend has now arrived in Australia and is apparently planning
to break into camp and stake his claim. Perhaps he should watch yesterday’s
programme before he makes a bigger fool of himself than Jordan has already
done, as apparently according to Jordan their relationship start off as a
joke that’s gone too far!!

25 people have attempted, unsuccessfully, to break into the camp so far
this year.

The following are all genuine replies that British women have put on
Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father’s details:

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered
by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B,
but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being
sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you
with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived
at a party at 3600 Grand avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met
that night.

I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to
track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW
that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps
you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it
replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son’s conception was immaculate and that he is Christ
risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he informs me that to do
so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for
the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the
country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the
same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can
You ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney
maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for
sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If
I’d have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at
146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all When
you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.

We’ve done it again…got ourselves hooked on yet another reality
tv show..we really must get out more. In saying that daytime tv
isn’t actually giving it alot of competition.

I must admit I’ve been impressed with their performances on the
bush tucker trials, I expected the success rate to be a lot lower
especially when Jordan and Kerry had to eat bugs.

Jordan and Peters’ antics have been the highlight this year. It
seems to me that she’s playing him like a lovesick puppy. Make
a good story to sell to the press when she gets out..don’t you
think.

Jordan’s boyfriend, Scott, is apparently on the next plane out
there to “punch his lights out”. He is blaming Peter entirely
for the goings on…and who can blame him what with Jordan being
such an innocent, shy, retiring girl!!

Told you it was addictive…can’t beat the 323.5 record though
try as I might.

Steve on the other hand would not be beaten…he browsed…he
found…and he conquered…

click on the pic to see how he did it.

Megan was ecstatic this morning when the promised snow actually
arrived…..and she finally got to build another snowman…..

Official figures realeased this month confirmed that we have become a nation
of text addicts

We sent 20.5 billion messages last year (the equivalent of 55 million every
day), a twentyfold increase in five years. Experts say the figure will reach
23 billion this year.

Texts overtook phone calls as the favoured means of contacting someone by mobile
last year with more than 8 out of 10 under-25s more likely to text than call.

At New Year revellers smashed the record for the most messages in a day, 111 million
in the first 24 hours of 2004.

On Valentine’s Day 76 million were sent, 6 times more than the number of cards.

The most common messages were greetings, such as for birthdays.

Click on the pic to try a bit of Pingu bashing…….

The score to beat seems to be 323.5.

After being “no gutsed” by Steve, I treated myself to a new toy
this weekend…

For anyone hesitating about upgrading from the Game Boy Advance
to the Advance SP dither no more. The SP is far superior to the
Advance and well worth the outlay.

The 2.9 TFT reflective screen, although comparing the
specs is exactly the same, seems to be a much sharper image
The greatest improvement is the integrated screen light, which
I found a major problem with the Advance console. There is no
need to buy any add ons for this machine, just pick up and play.

My only critism would be the placing of the select/start buttons.
Having small hands I find them more awkward to reach, but I am
sure I’ll get used to them.

The flip top screen makes it very portable..slips easily into
your handbag, or pocket!!

A big thumbs up from me.

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike
their English counterparts, nouns are grammatically designated as
masculine or feminine.

“House” in French, is feminine-“la maison”
“Pencil” in French, is masculine-“le crayon”

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?” The teacher did
not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun
she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender,
and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or
feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their
recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be feminine
(‘la computer’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible
later retrieval
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your pay on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
(‘le computer”) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Steve is constantly moaning about the state of the buses he
drives, but it could be worse…………