Two peanuts walk into a bar,
One was a salted.

A jumper-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry – we don’t serve food in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”