Three men were hiking through a forest when they came
upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the
other side, the first man prayed, “God, please give me the
strength to cross the river.”

So…God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able
to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned
twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, “God, please
give me strength and the tools to cross the river.”

So…God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong
legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after
almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man
prayed, “God, please give me the strength, the tools and
the intelligence to cross this river.”

So…he was turned into a woman. She checked the map,
hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across
the bridge.

Megan took part in her first Irish Dance Competition today
and was fantastic (sorry, proud parent moment!!)

She was awarded 3rd in her first dance, two 2nds and
2nd in her Trophy dance.

Well done Megan, we are very very proud of you
xxxx

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel
guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was
recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:
To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You
will understand what ‘tenjewberrymuds’ means by the
end of the conversation.

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”
Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
RS: “Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??”
G: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and eggs.”
RS: “Ow July den?”
G: “What??”
RS: “Ow July den?…pryed, boyud, poochd?”
G : “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?
Sorry, scrambled please.”
RS: “Ow July dee baykem? Crease?”
G: “Crisp will be fine.”
RS : “Hokay. An Sahn toes?”
G: “What?”
RS:”An toes. July Sahn toes?”
G: “I don’t think so.”
RS: “No? Judo wan sahn toes??”
G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo
wan sahn toes’ means.”
RS: “Toes! toes!…Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish
moppin we bodder?”
G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine.
Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
RS: “We bodder?”
G: “No…just put the bodder on the side.”
RS: “Wad?”
G: “I mean butter…just put it on the side.”
RS: “Copy?”
G: “Excuse me?”
RS: “Copy…tea…meel?”
G: “Yes. Coffee, please, and that’s all.”
RS: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish
moppin we bodder on sigh and copy….rye??”
G: “Whatever you say.”
RS: “Tenjewberrymuds.”
G : “You’re very welcome.”

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon
a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side,
the first man prayed, “God, please give me the strength to cross
the river.”

So…God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to
swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, “God, please give
me strength and the tools to cross the river.”

So…God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs
and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost
capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,
“God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to
cross this river.”

So…he was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one
hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

1. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is
that considered a hostage situation?

2. Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges
didn’t live there.

4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

5. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

6. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

7. I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long
I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”

8. So what’s the speed of dark?

9. War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left.

10. Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart
Woman’s Day,

Remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey
to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,
chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”