1. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

2. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else .

3. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

4. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.

5. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude
and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
“Excuse me, can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet
him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude.”

“You must be in Information Technology,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically
correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the
fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If
anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where
you’re going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large
quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how
to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before
we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

Dear Colleagues

There are a lot of changes that are going to be taking place across
the board as far as the servers & personal computers go.

The goal is to remove all laptop computers by January 2006 and all
desktops computers by February 2006 as a part of the ongoing
cost-cutting around the business.

Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There
are many sound reasons for doing this:

1. No boot-up problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
4. No more worries about power cuts.
5. Budget savings on Upgrades unparalleled
6. Simple user interface
7. Compact and ideal for roaming users and field workers
8. Hardened OS means its virus and spyware free
9. Similar spec across the whole range.

FAQs from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q : My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the
screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What’s the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on myEtch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don’t shake it.

A primary school teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave
each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to
come up with the remainder of the proverb……

Strike while the …………………………………….insect is close.
Never underestimate the power of……………………….ants.
Don’t bite the hand that………………………………looks dirty.
Better to be safe than………………………………..punch an older boy.
You can lead a horse to water but………………………how?
No news is…………………………………………..impossible.
A miss is as good as a………………………………..Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………………………maths.
The pen is mightier than the…………………………..pigs.
An idle mind is…………………………….the best way to relax.
Where there’s smoke there’s……………………………pollution.
A penny saved is……………………………………..not much.
Two’s company, three’s………………………………..the Musketeers.
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……………………….you put on to go to bed.
Children should be seen and not………………………..smacked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed………………………….get new batteries.
When the blind leadeth the blind……………………….get out of the way.

And the favourite is……
Better late than……………………………………..pregnant!

Hope all your dreams came true……

(Here’s to the ‘naughty 40s’)

Love u
Kim and Megan
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope you had a “magical” birthday

love Kim, Steve & Megan
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then
bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire
how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising
me every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives
me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the
priority. I am psychic.

5. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.

6. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.

7. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really
change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations.

9. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to
know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about
having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for
being such a good manager.

10. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Jamie Loooouuuuu
Happy Birthday to yooooouuuu

Have a great day
Love and hugs and stuff

Kim, Steve and Megan
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Happy Birthday Mum/Nanny

Have a great birthday…..take it easy…put those feet up!

See u later

Love
Kim, Steve and big hugs from Megan xxx

Well the chef has gone….they never think of that when they’re
nominating!!

bye bye Roberto…..first one I’ll actually miss