Hands up everyone whose sick of those annoying ‘I’m not selling
anything’ phone calls in the middle of your tea

Well here’s a few come backs which will have them hanging up on you!

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.

3. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and
they can’t sell to employees.

4. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

5. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

6. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every
word down.

7. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
just died . . . ”

8. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers
cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want
anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree
and you say, “Me either!” Hang up.

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter
–ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough
to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because
otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren’t able to name that person, until the woman gave a
very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go
of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up
everything for her colleagues at work, or for men in general, and
was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
their hands…………..

Ha ha…we sacrifice, we scheme, we survive!

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says “dam”

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other “I’ll man the guns, you drive”

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him”.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”

Psychiatric Help Phone Menu

Thank for calling this line……….please select from the following options:-

If you are obsessive compulsive…..press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant…..ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities… press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid….we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

If you are delusional……press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mothership.

If you are schizophrenic…….listen carefully
and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive…….it doesn’t matter which number you
press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic……press 69696969696969

If you are bipolar…..please leave a message after the beep…before
the beep…or after the beep……please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss….please press 9…please
press 9…. please press 9.

If you have low self esteem…..please hang up…..we are
to busy to talk to you right now.

If you are menopausal…..put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You really won’t be crazy forever.

If you are blonde……don’t press any buttons….you’ll just mess it up.

Click on the pic to take this little quiz to find out which
Johnny Depp you are….

Happy Birthday to Yoooouuuuuuu!!!!!!

Have a great day….put those feet up…..veg out with a good book

See u later

Love
Kim, steve and big big hugs from Megan xxxxxx