1. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

2. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

3. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.

5. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

6. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.

7. Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the
forehead and chin area.

8. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.

9. Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

10. Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.

So how many did you get click here to find out.

Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
Because the white ones always get dirty.

Why do elephants float in the river upside-down?
To keep their blue tennis shoes from getting wet.

Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out flaming ducks.

Why do giraffes have long necks?
For spitting on burning elephants.

How do you stop an elephant from passing through the
eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in its tail.

How big a Johnny Depp fan are you??

Let’s see……..click on the pic below and see how many of
his films you can name

New exercise routine follows. If you’re over 35, you might want
to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more
proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN…
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
NOW SCROLL UP…..

That’s enough for the first day. Great job.

Two peanuts walk into a bar,
One was a salted.

A jumper-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry – we don’t serve food in here.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”